A TakeThemAMeal user recently wrote to us that grief is a "strange monster." That really resonated with me, particularly in the way it attacks. Sometimes you see the monster coming in advance, chasing you down, but giving you time to prepare for it as best as you know how. Other times, it sneaks up behind you out of nowhere, suddenly and without warning.

Megan Devine, grief advocate and writer of the blog Refuge in Grief, experienced a sudden, life-changing loss. She writes about the experience from her point of view-

"It's like being in a crowded movie theater. Everyone starts out watching the same picture, exactly the one they bought tickets for, exactly the same one as advertised.

Although most of us will never exactly understand what a friend is experiencing when overwhelming grief approaches swiftly, we all know the strong desire to do something, anything, to help. Here are 5 practical ways to care for someone in those early hours and days after devastating loss.

1. Don't say "let me know if you need anything." Someone whose life was just turned upside down doesn't know what they need right now. Instead, think about their needs and meet them. For instance, drop off bagels and cream cheese and text your friend that breakfast is on her doorstep. Or set up a meal schedule. Your friend is making so many decisions and you can greatly help by taking care of basic necessities like food.

2. When a nursing mother loses her baby it's helpful to remember that she will need to suddenly wean and will likely be physically uncomfortable for a while. When a sweet new mom lost her 2 month old son, Andre, I brought her a basket full of items to help dry up her milk. The box included the recipe and all the ingredients for Sage Tea (*see recipe below). I also included cabbage leaves and Sudafed, both proven to dry up milk ducts.

3. Thoughtful gifts can be meaningful. The same friend who lost her son found comfort in the book Tear Soup, special jewelry, a painting someone made for her son, and a mug that said "Andre's Mom".

4. If circumstances allow, it can be helpful for a newly grieved person/couple/family to get away for a few days. Consider going in with a group of friends and paying for a rental and packing all the food they'd need.

5. Most of all, don't downplay their grief, don't compare your grief to theirs and don't try to point out the bright side right now. There will be time for that, but the time isn't in the early stages of grief. The desire to say the "right thing" is great but sometimes less is more. Just be there, offer a heartfelt hug and shared tears. All your friend needs to hear is "This is horribly wrong and I'm so sorry this is happening. I'm here for you".

Sage Tea Recipe

Infuse sage in boiling water. Let steep for 5-15. Drink 1 cup 2-6 times per day to decrease milk supply.